so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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