I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
