Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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