I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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