I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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