i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
