Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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