I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
