i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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