My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
