Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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