i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
