My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
