Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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