"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we have pet lesbian snakes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
