so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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