i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize