I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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