don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
