i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
