Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
