drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
