Sry I called you an 8
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
