Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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