I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
