So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
