absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
