In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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