He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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