today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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