I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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