she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
