So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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