We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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