Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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