can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to calm my uterus...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
