omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
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you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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