i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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