You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
