I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
