U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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