Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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