After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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