Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
