he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
