My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize