If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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