I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
