YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
