So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
