just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
