Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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