I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
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That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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